I am so excited to be starting my blog and will be posting on a regular basis.  For those of you who don’t know me, let me tell you a little bit about myself and my motivation and purpose in blogging.

My name is Jenny Harrop. I am almost 39 years old and have been recovered from a 12 year battle with an eating disorder for the past nine years.  When I was just a sophmore in highschool, my family moved to another state and even though we had moved before, this move was very difficult for me.  I had a really hard time making friends and getting involved.

In my old school, I had lots of friends and was very involved.  I was a cheer leader, I was on color guard/flag team, and I was on student council.  Strangely, even though I was very well liked and accepted, I was always worried that I would do or say the wrong thing and people wouldn’t like me anymore.  So when we moved and I just didn’t seem to fit in no matter what I did, I was devastated.

The worst part of my day was eating lunch alone and I got to where I would find places to hide at school so that I didn’t have to go to the lunchroom.  More and more I withdrew from people.  I felt so alone.  Without even realizing it, I turned to food for comfort.  I was overeating everyday and gaining weight so fast.  Before I knew it I was sixty pounds overweight.  I was so miserable.

Eventually I went to college by working hard and eating right I lost the weight, but again, even though I was well liked and accepted, I was so afraid that if people knew the “real” me, no one would like me.  So again, without even realizing it, I developed and eating disorder.  First I was an overeater, and then I became anorexic and finally bulimic.  I struggled until I was 30 years old.

My motivation for writing this blog is to share my story and offer a place where teen and college age girls can find understanding.  I am very aware of the intense pressure girls live under today to be physically perfect.  In fact, I think that teen and college age girls have more pressure in this area than ever before.

Just the other day I was at the mall trying on clothes.  I could hear a couple of friends in the next dressing room talking.  The first girl complained, “No matter what I put on, I just look fat. I had my stupid body.”  The other girl didnt’ say anything and so the first girl went on, “Look at this fat hanging over the top of my jeans.  Aaaaahhhhh….I can’t find anything that looks good.”

Finally, the second girl spoke, “You know, I get sick of hearing about how you are so fat.  You are thin and every time to say you are fat, I think, well if she is fat then what does that make me?  I really am fat and you are insensitive to me when you complain about your body.”

“Well, soooooorry.  But if you don’t like your body, then why don’t you exercise or eat better or something?  It’s not my fault that you don’t do those things.”

“See! That’s what I mean! I can’t explain why I overeat! I just do….and you don’t eat perfectly.  Half the time you don’t eat at all.  So how is that not worse than what I do?  For once I would like to go shopping and focus on me.  Why can’t you help me find something I look cute in instead always focusing on you?”

“Well, I didn’t think you cared about clothes and stuff.”

“Well, I do.  It’s just so hard to find things that fit me and all the sales people just focus on you like I’m not here.”

“Ok, ok. But just because you aren’t the only one that wishes their body was different.  Just because I am thin doesn’t mean I don’t want a better body or whatever.”

“Well, I can’t find anything in this store to fit me anyway.  It’s depressing.”

“I agree.  I hate everything I’ve tried on.”

I peaked out and saw them leaving.  No surprise, one girl was quite thin and the other not so much.  I was so sad for both of them.  Obviously they were good friends and had probably looked forward to a fun afternoon at the mall together.  Instead, their frustrations with their bodies took over and was their only focus.  So unfortunately, what could have been a fun “girl day” turned into hurt feelings and going home feeling awful about themselves.

I hate that our culture does that to girls.  I hope that by blogging about these topics on a regular basis, maybe we can slowly turn the tide and help girls be able to focus on what really makes them of worth!!